Saturday, January 31, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Turns out it was basically soft core porn. You know, where the couples love each other.
We got some new catch phrases out of it.
There was one couple getting busy in the film, and in the middle of it, she said casually to her man,
"Do you think you could eat me while you do that?"
Like she was saying, "Do you think you could pass the salt?"
"Do you think you could pick up the kids after school?"
I turned to HT, "Did she just say....do you think you could eat me?"
He nodded, "I'm afraid she did."
In another scenario, a woman picks her man up at the airport. He'd been on a business trip, and she surprises him by wearing nothing but a sexy negligee under her trench coat.
"Does this mean we're going to The Point?" he asks as they take off in the car.
They do go to The Point, a lookout suitable for necking teenagers, and they totally get it on.
So dear readers, how many times a day do you suppose I ask HT, "Do you think you could eat me while you do that?"
-While he makes the kid's lunches.
-As he's shoveling snow.
-While he's changing a light bulb.
-As he brushes his teeth.
And how many times a day do you suppose HT asks, "Does this mean we're going to The Point?"
-After I ask him to take out the garbage.
-When I mention his parents called.
-When I tell him it's our turn to volunteer in Seth's class next week.
Our marriage counselor is a genius. I can't remember when we've laughed so much, and we've never felt closer.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Seth had a doctor appointment, therefore we left Riley screaming with Todd as he tried to get her in snow pants before heading out the door to walk her to school.
Backing out of the driveway I analyzed the situation. She was sick Thursday and Friday, and it was a long break from school. Re-entry is usually tough for her. Maybe she still isn't feeling great.
As I drove down the road, shivering in the cold, I ran through the morning. How could I have done anything differently? We didn't rush her. We didn't lose our patience or our tempers. We did our morning meditation/visualization to get the day off on the right foot.
We didn't forget any of her supplements. I definitely didn't forget the ones with calming effects.
We got her to bed early enough the night before.
Driving down the road at 40mph, my mind raced at 100.
Then suddenly, I had the thought, probably for the first time ever,
What if it isn't my fault?
Immediately my mind zoomed back to my own childhood. The walking on eggshells. Two very different scenarios with a common theme. Me, bending over backwards trying to appease another person who happens to be out of control. I'm not saying it's her fault, but
what if it isn't my fault?
Perhaps it is one of the things this little angel is here to teach me.
Monday, January 26, 2009
"There will be lotion," he said, right eyebrow raised.
I was skeptical. I won the foot rub two months ago in a bet. He had yet to deliver.
Now if you give a girl a foot rub, it has to come from a pure place. No one, and I mean no one wants a foot rub with expectations.
So as I was saying, if you give a girl a foot rub, (with lotion) from a pure place with no expectations, she might feel cared for and connected.
She might think about it the whole next day, and smile about how you took your time. How you lit some candles and of course, used lotion.
By the next night, all the expectations you didn't have, while delivering your lotiony foot rub,
might just pay off.
You know, if giving a girl a foot rub is something you're inclined to do.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
He cannot carry a tune, but he can whistle a tune. And his whistle isn't just ordinary. It has a bit of a trill. Like a little bird he is.
Tweet-a-lee-deedle-ee-dee, I hear from downstairs as he makes the kid's lunches in the mornings while I struggle upstairs with the tangles in Riley's hair.
He's our own little song bird.
'Til Mike & Mike come on, that is.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
"I dwell in possibility."
- Emily Dickenson
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Tonight I watched the most delightful short animated film, Wings of Epoh. It is about a boy with autism and a little butterfly who offers him acceptance. The film is based on a story by acclaimed author and Holocaust survivor, Gerda Weissmann Klein.
In just five or so minutes, it gets to the heart of the beauty we mothers know is inside our children who struggle and who try so hard every day.
They are so precious. Every single one of them.
*For anyone out there doing presentations on autism, this would make an excellent opening or closing segment. (Be prepared to provide tissues).
Monday, January 12, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Friday, January 09, 2009
We got to talking about the service dog (that's Chris in the photo above performing in between sets at the concert), and I told him how Todd and I still sometimes feel uneasy, accepting donations to 4 Paws in Riley's honor, when there are families in dire straights financially. Families that are out of work, or whose kids have severe health issues, or both. A dog for Riley isn't life or death and we are not exactly struggling. We live modestly but Todd has a good job and can (and does) pick up overtime when we need something for the kids or want something extra.
We talked about how 4 Paws for Ability does not want the dogs to be a financial strain on the families seeking them. We talked about how the fundraising each family is required to do brings awareness to 4 Paws, and how this whole effort has been a chance to educate people about Asperger's. To let people into our often secluded world.
Then Christopher, my darling brother said,
"You know, raising kids is hard (he's got two beautiful girls). It's a tough job, and raising kids with special needs has to be a hundred times harder. A lot of times people don't know what to do, but this gave us a chance to feel like we could do something. To feel like we could help in some way."
With his words, something that had been weighing on my shoulders lifted a bit.
Christopher and I could not be more different. He is uber conservative. I'm to the left, (then over to the left a little more). We're opposite in so many ways, but I believe we "get" each other's hearts.
I love him.
More than words.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Men jacked up on testosterone, talking about other men jacked up on testosterone, (and God knows what else). Who dominated. Who crushed who. The questioning of whether people are "fan" enough. The weird mafia like loyalty thing with sports.Ick.
Sports radio jangles my sensory system.
All the screaming, each guy talking louder and louder over the next one in order to make their point. I do not want to hear ads for Viagra and its counterparts at 7AM. I do not want to hear one more guy in a casual, cool, tone, pretend he's talking to the listener man to man, about debt reduction.
The whole thing gives me a headache.
And I don't want a headache!
I want to float downstairs and get the kids ready for school while something like Enya plays in the background.
Mornings are tricky enough. I want the atmosphere to be relaxed before we all start out into the world.
But sports is HT's joy. Who am I to deprive him of something he loves?
But did I mention it gives me a headache?
I've got no answers.
Only the fantasy of a duplex with swinging doors.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
-Richard from Texas (on Oprah)
*If you don't know who Richard from Texas is, you really need to read more.
Monday, January 05, 2009
Today we woke up and lit some candles and did a guided meditation as a family. Body part by body part we tensed and relaxed all our muscles. We breathed.
Then, after combing her hair, Riley and I held hands and did 100 "I approve of myselfs."
There was one little blow up on the way out the door when they had to stop playing and get coats on, but she got through it quickly.
Then on the way to school she started to fret. HT and I braced ourselves.
"Riley, what's wrong?"
Walking along the sidewalk she said, "How come I'm the only one that has to walk to school with their family? It's so embarrassing!!!"
Stifling a laugh, I said, "Riley, you can walk ahead of us if you like."
First ten paces. Then twenty.
Her gate turned into a bit of a swagger, and every so often she'd glance back casually to see how far behind we were. Seth loved it, having his parents to himself to do 1,2,3 swing him up in the air.
When we got to the school, Riley lined up with her class, but we stayed back.
When the doors opened, we walked in way behind her.
That kid walked right into her class, no fuss, no muss. After a long break!!!
Knock us over with a feather.
HT had to come home and take a nap to celebrate.
Saturday, January 03, 2009
"Did you see John Travolta's son died?"
I hadn't had the TV or computer on all evening, so I hadn't heard.
The tragedy was in the forefront of my mind when I woke up this morning, and when I googled it, a zillion links to "Jett Travolta" and "autism" came up.
Then I remembered an interview I heard on XM radio, with Kelly Preston on the Gayle King show. She talked about how her son was poisoned by household cleaners when he was a baby, and got Kowasaki's disease, and got very sick.
Gayle interrupted and said, there have been a lot of rumors that he has autism and can you set the record straight on that? And Kelly Preston was like, Noooo he doesn't have autism, and Gayle was like, thanks for clearing that up, and something about the delivery of both of them PISSED ME OFF.
Like he was being accused of being a criminal or something. It hurt my heart.
Now there are rumors flying that he did indeed have autism, and they, under Scientology rules failed to recognize it, and maybe didn't treat a seizure disorder, blah, blah, blah. Who knows if any of it is true.
We are all doing the best we can with what we know for our kids.
A family lost their child. My heart goes out to them.
If only parenting these kids could be as black and white as the children themselves tend to be. What I wouldn't give for some clear cut directions to follow.
Friday, January 02, 2009
The girl is in a class that lines up parallel to Riley's class every morning. She's a big girl, easily outweighing me by 30+ pounds. She definitely is a ring leader, but she doesn't seem too far gone. She has a heart. You can see it in her eyes. One time last year, I saw her from across the playground, walking home from school, terribly agitated, crying, because some boys had been calling her fat. (The weight is the size of the wound.- Marianne Williamson).
"I shouldn't have to put up with it! I shouldn't have to deal with this!" she shrieked.
I was in the middle of a playground crises with Riley, so I couldn't go to her, but I wanted to. I wanted to look her in the eye and agree with her.
"You are so right. You shouldn't have to put up with people picking on you. Ever."
But I didn't. My hands were full.
Whenever Riley sees this girl, she folds inward in terror. So far, Riley had pretty much not even been on her radar. We liked it like that.
Yesterday, Riley told me just before winter break, the girl approached her in the hall at school. Riley was standing with two aides and a teacher, and the girl said, "Hey, Riley."
Riley put up her hand in stop position, and screamed, "Please leave me alone!"
Firmly on the radar now, aren't we?
"Riley, did she sound friendly when she said hi?"
"Then why did you say that to her?"
"Because I saw her kick that boy (15 weeks ago) and I was afraid she was going to be mean to me too."
"But she wasn't being mean to you, was she?"
"No. But how can she be nice when she was so mean?"
Riley threw herself on my shoulder and cried,
"I'm such a stupid person. I'm so confused. I'm sorry I said that to her Mommy!"
Social nuance comes natural to most. It is difficult to teach. This is one of the things that keeps me up late at night, worrying that through no fault of her own, Riley will set someone off and be physically assaulted as a result.
At the recent birthday party she attended there were some older, fifth grade girls who knew each other well. They were all, "Shut up!" and shoving each other on the shoulder, etc. Riley assumed they were very mean, because they said "shut up" and they were being rough. They frightened her. She looked at them only out of the corner of her eye, and didn't talk to them at all, coming off as unfriendly.
This is where people with Asperger's get a raw deal.
This is where it would be so much easier if her disability were more visible.
This is why, if a service dog makes her stand out, I am all for it. If having a doggie in a little vest beside her causes folks to give her the benefit of the doubt? Good. If the dog offers her comfort in this confusing world? Great.
And if they want to give us a German Shepherd? Something a little intimidating? I wouldn't be opposed to that either.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Not bloody likely!
This year, I want to step back and observe myself as my own friend. So, for example, if I take down the Christmas tree and all the decorations by myself, and lovingly pack them up, and then happen to fall down the stairs with an over sized red and green bin, hurting my my hip, knee and ankle? I'm not going to tell myself how stupid I was to do it alone. Instead, I'll tell my "friend," how sweet it was of her to want to do it all when HT was working, so that he wouldn't have to mess with it on his time off.
And in my shenanigans, if I happen to kick the front door, because it is a hundred years old and the lock jams and I have an armful of wet pine needles that I need to drop on the floor in order to mess with the son of a bitch, I'm not only going to forgive myself for kicking the door, but also for saying "son of a bitch," because it's a lot better than "mother-f#@ker," which is what I really wanted to say, and besides, the kids were not within earshot.
This year, I want to do a lot more laughing with, and a lot less berating of myself.
And I want to know, on a visceral level, mistakes or not, my worthiness is not up for debate.
Happy New Year. Neither is yours.